Resist Toxic Positivity in Your Culture
Welcome to the Why to Wow newsletter which is all about inspiring the hearts and minds of people worldwide with the Power of Differentiation. In the Why to Wow newsletter, I share my experiences over the last 40+ years helping leaders differentiate their brands and products. I hope it will inspire you to discover and share your own brand’s uniqueness with the world.
This is a topic that has been gaining momentum. We are in a world of faux positivity. When we avoid conflict by telling only the part of the story that is most easily digested, it destroys our culture.
According to Wikipedia, toxic positivity is dysfunctional emotional management without the full acknowledgment of negative emotions, particularly anger and sadness.
Chip Dodd, PhD, is the author of The Voice of the Heart, a book that changed my life. A dear friend bought it for me when I was dealing with worries and anxiety. Chip’s work is focused on helping professionals, including athletes, CEOs, doctors, and others, better understand the purpose of their lives. His mantra is: Helping people see what they were made to be, so they can do what they’re made to do.
The Christian-based book stunned me with one observation. Chip stated that when asked what we wish for our lives, the usual answer is to be happy. But, he continued that if that is what God wants, then we’d all be addicted to drugs, alcohol, or pursuing other in-the-moment, unhealthy activities. Chip teaches that rather than “being happy,” our goal should be to lead a full life. A full life means we feel sadness or frustration or elation and hope. For example, losing a beloved grandparent causes feelings of sadness as you miss them and wish they were still with you. But it also brings about memories of the wonderful things they did and said, and perhaps, their sense of humor or excellent culinary skills. That’s a full life.
As leaders, we must live fully and provide that opportunity for our teams. Rather than “being happy” or spreading toxic positivity, we are better off sharing open communication, active listening, and constructive advice.
One problem with toxic positivity is that often, the employee knows you are being insincere; they can feel it, and it’s demeaning. On the other hand, and I’ve witnessed this, sometimes the person believes what is said is true and develops a false, unrealistic narrative of their performance. Here’s a true story:
A brand celebrated a new, breakthrough marketing campaign with its team. A person was congratulated for his “amazing creativity” in creating and developing the concept. The problem was, he had not written it; the person showering praise on him had. I later asked her why she did this. She replied, “He was a nightmare to work with on this, and I did all the work. I hoped I’d inspire him to improve next time by puffing him up.” Unfortunately, the opposite happened as the person became convinced that despite his shortcomings, he was invaluable because he was “amazing.” This led to an even lower drop in his performance to the point that coworkers and suppliers demanded he be removed from their team.
Difference-maker #1: You cannot win a person over or buy their loyalty through insincere positivity.
Most of us have an inner compass that tells us if we are on track. We will usually know if praise or compliments are genuine or not. Leaders will lose credibility and trust when they fall prey to acting like a “white knight,” delivering platitudes instead of open, honest communication.
Difference-maker #2: Differentiate yourself by being sincere, even when inconvenient.
If you are known as an honest and caring person who can be counted on, you are likely to deal with difficult situations with compassion—credit to you. Your team will be healthier because of it.
As Dr. Chip Dodd says, we need to live a full life, not one obscured by false, insincere feel-good statements. Living life on life’s terms means that we will have to struggle with feelings and let them be of benefit.
I had the pleasure of hosting Grammy-recognized, #1 hit songwriter and multi-instrumentalist Cliff Goldmacher on a recent episode of the Difference Talks podcast. Cliff is super-talented and shares his insights on how the songwriting process can be applied to the business world to promote creativity and innovation. I encourage you to listen to my conversation with Cliff and learn more about his incredible journey.